I guess life has been opened and closed simultaneously for me. There are new things everyday along with the old things. There is nothing happening on some days, while a lot, though nothing particularly significant (usually) happens.
It is nice to think about someone all the time, miss him, miss his touch, his smile, but also miss a lot of inanimate-animate things like a missed call, a message or a scrap. Sometimes I think it’s so worthless to be in this state that I am in right now. This over invasion of inanimate things in my life. But then, there is no other animation that happens. Then again, if not for these inanimations, I am at a loss as to where I’d be and what I’d be doing.
It seems perfectly natural to miss one person constantly, think about what he would be doing, which side of the bed he sleeps on, how much tooth paste he puts on his tooth brush, the amount of stubble he might be growing now etc. It also seems incredulous that I spend my time on this. But again, to come back to what I was saying, it all seems so natural.
Even if I’d chose to do something other than the ones that I’ve mentioned, it shocks me that there would be nothing. True, I might write, I might paint, but there is this constant thought process going on somewhere, almost involuntarily about just one person.
Sometimes I think obsession is bad, but then again, it’s not so bad at all. Is it?
I enjoy the state of my mind usually, and I just don’t mean the “good” state of mind. I also mean the not so good, and the worse. But, what happens is that the thoughts which I enjoy in these frames of mind differ. The whole missing-him part which seemed so romantic a short while ago seems all so wrong and so melodramatic and oppressive. And I get into animated discussions with myself, which however ends in a lot of inanimation.
So, there is my life, and the “animatedness of inanimation” in it.
Vrinda Varma
3 comments:
I liked the way you referred to missed calls, messages and scraps as 'inanimate-animate'.
However, I find another thing very interesting -- the fact that you are sharing your animations and inanimations with a wider community. What could be the possible motives of this urge to share?
This might sound like an intrusive question. But at one level, I think you are trying to bring to the public realm what is essentially your inner life.. Maybe with social networking sites like Orkut, the public-private (inner) divide is gradually getting hazy..
It'd be great if the sequel to these musings appear..
The title "The Animatedeness of Inanimation" confused me a bit! But I love the lucidity of the narration.
I think Vrinda searches for a love gone missing.....
If so, it's an interesting and witty account of her desperate search for a new person!
It's amazing!!!
JM It cannot alwaya be said of writings that they are always factual. At least in my case, I liberally mix fact and fiction, with a heavy dose of exaggeration, superlatives and underplays. Thus the sharing of my private life in the public realm stands true only to that extent.
El Amigo Thank you. But I feel you should know that missing someone does not always mean lost love.
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