I guess life has been opened and closed simultaneously for me. There are new things everyday along with the old things. There is nothing happening on some days, while a lot, though nothing particularly significant (usually) happens.
It is nice to think about someone all the time, miss him, miss his touch, his smile, but also miss a lot of inanimate-animate things like a missed call, a message or a scrap. Sometimes I think it’s so worthless to be in this state that I am in right now. This over invasion of inanimate things in my life. But then, there is no other animation that happens. Then again, if not for these inanimations, I am at a loss as to where I’d be and what I’d be doing.
It seems perfectly natural to miss one person constantly, think about what he would be doing, which side of the bed he sleeps on, how much tooth paste he puts on his tooth brush, the amount of stubble he might be growing now etc. It also seems incredulous that I spend my time on this. But again, to come back to what I was saying, it all seems so natural.
Even if I’d chose to do something other than the ones that I’ve mentioned, it shocks me that there would be nothing. True, I might write, I might paint, but there is this constant thought process going on somewhere, almost involuntarily about just one person.
Sometimes I think obsession is bad, but then again, it’s not so bad at all. Is it?
I enjoy the state of my mind usually, and I just don’t mean the “good” state of mind. I also mean the not so good, and the worse. But, what happens is that the thoughts which I enjoy in these frames of mind differ. The whole missing-him part which seemed so romantic a short while ago seems all so wrong and so melodramatic and oppressive. And I get into animated discussions with myself, which however ends in a lot of inanimation.
So, there is my life, and the “animatedness of inanimation” in it.
Vrinda Varma
